Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
