Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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