I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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