just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize