honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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