you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
