Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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