my mouth tastes like poor choices
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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