Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
