I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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