You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
