mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
