there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize