bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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