Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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