he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
