so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
