I'm gonna have a badass scar
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
