Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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