I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
