so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
