he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
