My hand turned me down
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
