I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
