Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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