I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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