I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
