I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
