I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
