Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
