i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
