Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
