I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
