My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
