the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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