It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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