Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize