Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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