He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
