Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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