***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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