I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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