they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
