Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
