p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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