I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
