I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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