bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
