I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
that may or may not have been my penis.
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