Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
