Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
