***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize