I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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