My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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