we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
