I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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