Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sober January is a disaster.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize