Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
