I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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