: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize