just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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