these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
