All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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