I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He kissed a someone with a penis
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
