Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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