If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he thought i was a dude.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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