Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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