No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
