Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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