Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
