I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
