I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
